There was a point in my life that every morning when I wake up, I’d ask myself,
“What will I do again today?”
“Would I be fruitful & make myself useful for others & those around me?”
I’d cry & I’d be having feelings of self pity, I’d wish I’ll disappear in this world, I’d think of so many bad thoughts which would make me cry & cry, and even think of suicide ( God Forgive me).
Comes nighttime & I would pray & talk to God, then I would say Lord I’ll just pray the rosary because I know a lot of people pray to you & my burden would add up to your list of prayers of those praying for more difficult situations than I do,( lets not forget that there are people who suffer from hunger & never had a decent meal or a bed to sleep on in their lifetime) then I would say,
“You have endowed me & my family more than enough blessings which I couldn’t ask for more,” so I’d end up praying the rosary, but the thing is, praying should never be this way.
There is a book I’ve read, it’s a very small book, and title is
‘The prayer Of Jabez’, and this is what the author says,
{Is it possible that GOD wants you to be selfish in your prayers? To ask for more – and - more again – from your Lord? I’ve met so many earnest Christians who take it as a sign of immaturity to think such thoughts. They assume they will seem impolite or greedy if they ask God for too many blessings. When we ask for God’s blessings we’re not asking for more of what we could get for ourselves.}
So you see, I have ambivalent feelings playing on my system, & it’s really very depressing at times. This went on for quite a while & I was on this very difficult situation of my life where everyday I feel & see Him guiding me on what I should do; only I don’t act upon these things.
I was always overpowered by ill thoughts, negative powers which can bring you into a pit of deep depression. Slowly, I was led into words, words which I have known but never looked more closely for the meaning, words such as: LOVE, GRATITUDE, JOY, PATIENCE, GENEROSITY , KINDNESS, TRUTHFULNESS & A LOT MORE.
Empowerment in one’s life is a crucial task but it is very fulfilling in the end. These simple words that we always meet in our everyday lives, but most of the time, never have to share.
God is always there for guidance, we only have to feel, see & act on those things that He wants us to feel, see & act upon.
For me, He was always there, & I was so blind not to feel, see & act on what He wants, he never left me, he guided me & still he is here with me.
I’m so happy that I did not end up deeper into that pit of depression; I would have gone to sleep & slumber & never enjoyed the beauty of life.
